So I kinda hate to write this, but I feel like I need to.
We went to Blind Box BBQ.
And it was not good.
If you get awkward around negative reviews and mean comments, you should stop reading now. This is going to get ugly.
Here we go.
It’s a Friday. Katie and I just got out of work. We’re tired and want beer and BBQ. “Let’s go to Oklahoma Joe’s or Jack Stack.” But no. We need to write reviews for this blog. You know those places are awesome. Let’s try something new.
“Let’s try Blind Box BBQ”
-Dumb people who want to waste money
It starts off promising. Whoever owns this place at least has a good eye for branding. It looks nice.
We’re seated. We’re waiting.
I’m looking around trying to get someone’s attention. Katie’s giving me that look of “go tell someone”. But I don’t want to be a dick. I don’t like starting shit with people who cook food that I’m going to eat. It’s a survival trait.
We’re still waiting.
Waiter comes. No smiles. No hellos. Just “What can I get you.”
“What beers do you have on tap?”
We get some KC Bier Co.
Order some apps. We get the BBQ Wontons.
It’s super cold in here.
Katie can see my nipples cold.
As I’ll find out later, they’re the best part of the meal by a large portion.
I ask for a recommendation.
Waiter seems preoccupied.
Give’s me a non-answer.
I go with the Nortorious P.I.G – Local, smoked sausage topped with pulled pork, mac and cheese, and onion straws.
Katie get’s the Lil’ Juicy – Named after our first smoker, this is THE signature sandwich. Smoked, shaved steak topped with Swiss cheese. Served with a horseradish cream sauce.
Wait some more.
Finish our beers.
Can’t find our waiter.
Going to go up to the bar to order another but I’m over it. I don’t want to give them anymore of my money.
Two tables next to us ask to move to a different section. Too cold.
We hold out.
Unmelted cheese cold.
If you went into a BBQ joint and said, “Give me the airport BBQ chain platter” or “Give me the brisket from a BBQ place in a North Dakota strip mall” that’s about what it tasted like.
Mine also looked like Guy Fierri designed it.
It was not Kansas City BBQ.
I don’t have anything witty to say. I’m kinda at a loss for word about how not good it was.
Which is sad.
I’m not in the business of shitting on peoples dreams, but it was confusingly bad. Maybe there was a problem in the back of house. Maybe our waiter just found out he had 24 hours to live. I don’t know. But what I do know is that I haven’t had a meal this disappointing in a long long time.
It’s also really expensive. More than Oklahoma Joe’s. And, as planet Earth knows, Oklahoma Joe’s is fucking amazing.
This place cannot compete with real Kansas City BBQ.
It will fail if it does not change.
Its service was bad. Its food was bad. Its price was bad.
Life is darkness.
We’re all just talking apes floating around on a giant space rock.
BBQ is all we have. We cannot afford to have bad BBQ in life.
We do not recommend it. You should not go.
We would feel worse about this review if the place had been nice to us. But it was not. It was a cold place. A depressing place. And a place that will leave you wanting more than somewhat good BBQ wontons.