Howard’s Grocery – Yes.

You know, a lot of people say that when mankind decided to leave the paradise that was the hunter/gatherer lifestyle and take up the soul-rending, skin-blistering toil that is agriculture, humanity made a huge mistake that we would never recover from.

Those people would be right.

Yes, it gave us a means to create large communities that allowed us to build empires and thus the infrastructure that made the $5 hot n’ready pizza possible, but I’d much rather just sleep all day.

But the best part of agriculture?

Howard’s Grocery.

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Let’s do this.

I’m going to tell you right at the beginning of this review that I am biased to this this place. It was fantastic and I loved it. So if you’re looking for an impartial review I’d tell you to stop reading pretty much everything I write. I’m a very partial human. I have A LOT of opinions on everything, and as a person who has lost touch of a sizable portion of reality, they are strong opinions.

Howard’s Grocery specializes in local, organic, sustainably sourced food. Normally I would go off on a tangent about liberals, hippies and the red scare, but I’m not. You’ll understand when you see the burger.

It has a cafe inside that you can order a bunch of tasty things as well as a (future) grocery aisle of local produce. I say future because most of it had a “coming soon” sign, but there were a few other local items for purchase.

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So right off the bat I was a little peeved at the cost of the burger. $12 is steep. You can get a REALLY good burger for $12. Or 12 really bad ones. But Katie has limited my red meat these past few months so I went for it.

This is what the space looks like as Katie walks towards a seat by the window so that we can take pretty shots of our food.

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Be prepared to sit with strangers. This is family-style seating. So keep those elbows in check.

We sit down and wait. I could have waited for 13 years if I had to here. Why? BECAUSE OF MOTHERFUCKING BOTTLE COKES, BITCHES.

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They are my favorite thing. Pretty much ever. I like them more than daydreams of finding magic swords in a forest somewhere. Serious. Business.

Katie went with their blueberry soda. It was tart and nice.

Then our food came.

Katie went with the Salad du Jour which had a farm egg, sliced radish, queso fresco, tomato and roasted garlic vinaigrette dressing. It also came with a chilled tomato soup with cucumber yogurt and mozzarella.

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Katie loved the salad. The soup was great for about 4 sips but the flavor became a bit overwhelming. She recommends the salad completely, though.

And I, the fat ass, went with the Griddled Burger. House-made American cheese, pea shoots, pickled veggies and burger sauce on a potato bun.

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It was so good.

First, the fries were real fries. Like, they were a potato right before I ate them. The burger was perfect. Juicy as hell and cheesy as heaven. The pickled veggies gave it a nice sourness to the bite. Buy this.

And the bathrooms? Clean. Simple.

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And yes. That’s my hand in the mirror. I didn’t show my face because I don’t want one of you to beat me up because I told you that Taco Republic is highly overrated.

Howard’s is a great place. The food was amazing and it had this wonderful feel to it. Kinda like your mom.

It was good enough that while writing this, I got hungry, drove back to Howard’s and ate lunch there again. Just now. I ordered the chicken sandwich and it was like eating that feeling you get when you tell a joke and people actually laugh and give you a high five. It was fantastic. Order it too. I’d show a photo of it but I forgot and ate it too fast.

How would we rate it?

Taste: 9/10

Value: 7.5/10

Environment: 7.5/10

Bathrooms: 7.2/10

 

Verdict? Become a farmer. Come here.

 

Howard’s Grocery

1708 Oak St, Kansas City, MO 64108

Hours

Wednesday 11AM–3PM
Thursday 11AM–3PM
Friday 11AM–3PM
Saturday Closed
Sunday Closed
Monday Closed
Tuesday 11AM–3PM